The meaning of love
by wilsonstories
Summary: A Will and Sonny one-shot


_Hi everyone, _

_This story starts with a bit of a confession. I find the current storyline on Days difficult to fit the characters. Will used to be a person who was unable to harm anyone and believing in the good in each and every person. He used to give everyone a second, or even a third or fourth chance and revenge was not in his dictionary. His insecurity would usually get the better of him when other people messed up. The current Will is unapologetic and has lost the caring kindness and emotional sweetness that drew me into his story. So this one shot is just on how I think the 'old' Will would have reacted to this whole EJ, Sami and Abi story._

**Sonny's POV**

It is two am when I finally feel him relax against me, his breathing evening out as he is finally asleep in my arms. After an emotional day in which he heard about EJ and Abigail, he then spoke to his mum in a conversation that circles around how terrible Abigail is and that she should pay for her actions. Will didn't say much, while Sami kept raging on. Every time I would look at him I would see his shoulders slump down a little bit further, his blue eyes a little bit darker, not to mention the helplessness that radiated from his entire being. It reminded me of the Will that stood before me at the coffee house after he told all of Salem he was the father of Gabi's baby. It reminded me of the Will that was close to tears just before we had to testify at court, convinced everything was all his fault. When Sami left our apartment he sighed deeply and he looked at me a certain way and I knew exactly what to do. I walked over and pulled him close, kissing his cheek just before his chin settled in the crook of my neck. We didn't speak much, but he was restless and clearly unhappy. For hours and hours he tossed and turned next to me until he put his head on my chest, and he sighed:

"I like the sound of your heartbeat…"

I just wrapped him up a little closer and whispered a few I-love-you's in his hair. And now he is finally asleep and I am slowly dozing off with my nose buried in his blond hair. I know that in the coming days he will need me more than ever as he will try to make sense of everything that is happening around him, in a never ending attempt to make everyone happy again.

(…)

I wake up from sounds in the kitchen en quickly get up to see what is going on. I find Will trying to make some eggs and bacon and I happily wrap my arms around his naked waist.

"Morning."

I kiss his bare shoulder and he leans backwards while stroking my arms:

"Hi babe…"

"How is it going?"

"I think you better take over from me here…"

I laugh against his skin and then let him push me in front of him so I can do the cooking and he can snuggle behind me. I shiver when I feel his tongue licking a trail from my ear to my shoulder blade. And his warm breath in my ear makes everything perfect:

"You taste nice…"

Once our breakfast is ready we sit down on our sofa with a plate each. While he entangles our legs I look at him:

"So, what are you going to do today...?"

When his blue eyes flash mine for just a second I know his answer even though he hasn't spoken a word.

"I am going to see Abigail, then EJ…"

"Will…"

He raises his eyebrows and I try to find the best way to say this without sounding possessive or bossy:

"Perhaps you should not get into it too much…"

"How can I not Sonny… my mum, my stepdad, and my niece are all involved. So indirectly my brothers and sisters are too… the family they thought they would have is suddenly gone, Sonny… and I know all too well what that is like… and it sucks, Sonny…"

The pain in his eyes tell me the story of his life in just one second. I remember his anger when his mum cheated on Rafe which meant that the only family he had ever known feel apart. I lean forward and grab his hand:

"OK then…"

He smiles his lopsided smile and then I feel his lips on mine, soft and tender:

"I love you, Sonny…"

"I love you too…"

Then he is off the couch, ready to face this new day in which he will fight for happiness. Not necessarily his own, but that of everyone around him. I reach for my phone, knowing I will sent him many text messages today, just to remind him that his home, his family, and his heart are all safe with me.

(…)

The moment he walks in I leave my spaghetti for a bit to hug him close. He leans in against me and then I hear him sniffing:

"You made spaghetti?"

"I sure did…"

"My favourite…"

"I know."

He pulls back and while avoiding my eyes he walks to our bedroom to get changes. Half an hour later we sit at our dinner table, closely together. I squeeze his hand and ask carefully:

"So how was it today…?"

He sighs and pushes his plate away:

"Abi feels terrible, EJ feels terrible, and my mum feels terrible but she is skilfully hiding that under a mask of anger."

He stands up and with his back towards me he tells me about his day:

"Abi says she is so sorry and I truly think she is… but at the moment I think she is mainly afraid of my mum… and I cannot blame her because mum is furious."

He suddenly turns to me:

"She has forgotten all about her own escapades with EJ while she was married with Rafe. She is so hypocritical… but she just keeps saying Abi has to pay…"

I bite my lip, not sure what to say. But he just carries on:

"EJ just keeps saying he loves mum more than anything… but what does that even mean… he slept with Abigail so why did he do that if he loves mum so much…"

"Will…"

I stand up and hold his wrists:

"It is not your job to fix this…"

His eyes find mine and after a while he sighs:

"I know…"

Although my words seem to have touched him, there is an unresolved tension in his eyes. But he looks away, as he has done most of the time since he walked in this evening, and pulls back:

"I'll go for a run… clear my mind."

"Will…"

I stand in the middle of our living room while he walks into our bedroom. He soon comes back wearing his running clothes. His lips brush my cheek and he says:

"Don't worry… I'll be back in about an hour…"

When the door closes behind him I start cleaning the table while mumbling:

"Please open up to me, baby?"

(…)

For several days Will has been sweet but distant to me. It is hard to see as we do all the things we usually do, we kiss, we made love last night, we hug, but there is something inside of him locked away. It is hidden behind high walls and no-one seems to be allowed to see it and I don't know what to do or say to make him open up to me. He walks in while I am closing down the club. He leans over the bar to kiss me quickly and I smile:

"Hi babe, what's up…?"

"Nothing much…"

While I poor him some coffee he tells me about Abi and his mum. How he tries to reason with him mum, but how she is completely focused on taking revenge on Abi.

"I told Abigail to watch her back… when my mum is like this she could do anything…"

"You're not angry with Abi anymore?"

He looks at me for a while and then he shrugs. He looks away and suddenly I lose my patience:

"Can you just tell me what is bugging you?"

"What?"

"Oh don't do that… we both know something is bothering you and I want to talk about it…"

He stands up from his bar stool and starts pacing in front of the bar:

"You don't want to talk about it… you really don't…"

I quickly walk around the bar and stop him in his tracks:

"I love you… just tell me…"

He looks at me and with pain in his dark blue eyes he mumbles:

"What does that mean?"

I frown:

"It means I love you and I want to help you…"

His eyes slowly caress my face until they meet my gaze:

"EJ said he loves my mum, my mum said she loved Rafe, Abigail says she loves my brothers and sisters, mum and dad once loved each other…"

I don't look away and let him finish:

"I don't know what love means, Sonny… all it seems to do is break up families and break hearts…"

Before I can say anything he turns away and walks to the door. With his hand on the doorknob he whispers:

"So when you say you love me… what does that mean?"

And then he is gone and I feel numb. I thought he had gotten past his insecurities, his fear of commitment, and his fear of being let down by those who should love him most. He has never known a stable, loving, and safe family live, and this whole thing between EJ and Abigail is yet another reminder for him that heart break is just around the corner. I quickly finish my work and then head home. When I open the apartment door he is standing in the kitchen, wearing his sweats. When his eyes meet mine I can see he has been crying.

"Will… honey…"

He shakes his head and then my eyes spot the duvet and pillow on the couch.

"What is this…?"

His cheeks are red and he avoids my eyes:

"I need to think, Sonny…"

"Are you kidding me?"

"I'm sorry…"

His apology is just a whisper and it lands straight in my heart. I shake my head and quickly pick the duvet and pillow up to put it in our bedroom. When I come back into the living room I walk straight towards him. When our bodies crash together I cup his face between my hands. He has no way of escaping me and I softly say:

"I know your childhood sucked… and I know many people who were supposed to love you and make you feel safe, have hurt you over and over again. But I need you to listen to me…"

His tears wet my fingers and it breaks my heart to see him fall apart in front of me:

"When I say I love you it means many things… It means you are my home. It means my heart jumps when you walk into a room. It means that I want to see you as often as I can. It means I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you. It means I feel butterflies in my stomach when you smile at me. It means I am only happy when you are happy. It means you own my heart and I am nothing without you…"

He pulls me against him and I wrap him up against my chest. Between sobs he whispers:

"I cannot lose you Sonny…I'm so scared to lose you…"

I rub his back and whisper over and over that I will never leave him. Very slowly he calms down and eventually I push him backwards towards our bed. He is exhausted and soon we are curled up against each other. While I hold him close I have to ask:

"Why did you want to sleep on the couch…?"

He shrugs but does answer:

"I have learned over the years that when I step back from something before someone else does it, it hurts a bit less…"

"Oh Will…"

I cannot say anything else as I have to swallow the lump in my first. My lips are on his ear when I whisper:

"Never... do you hear me? Never are you going to sleep on the couch… You and I sleep together, always together…"

He smiles and I feel relieved he seems a bit more cheerful.

"You promise?"

Before he realises it I am on top of him, once again cupping his face between my hands:

"Always together…"

His arms wrap around my waist and soon his hands are in my boxers, cupping my butt cheeks.

"In the mood, Horton?"

"Always…"

His lips find mine in a searing kiss and when we let go to catch our breath he whispers softly:

"You know what I just realised?"

"What…"

"No matter what my mum does, or my dad, or EJ, or anyone… it doesn't change anything for me anymore… it used to wreck my family life… but now…"

My eyes find his and I smile when he continues:

"You are my family."

I suddenly lose my self-control and moments later we are naked and my hands are wandering his body in places where only I am allowed to touch him. He whimpers when I wrap my hand around him and slowly start stroking. I lean forward and kiss his chest:

"I love you…"

I repeat the words over and over, while my hand strokes him faster and faster. For some reason I feel the need to show him what my love means, that it is true and honest and beautiful. That his questions of what love actually is can be answered by the way I worship his body and soul. He comes undone under my touch, moaning and trembling from the intensity of his orgasm. When he finally catches his breath, he opens his eyes which are moist from held back tears. I tenderly kiss his lips and smile when his beautifully broken whisper tells me he understood what I was trying to show him:

"You make me feel so perfectly safe and strong, Sonny…"

I stare into his eyes, wordless from the intensity of his gaze. He mumbles softly:

"Hold me…"

I immediately do as he asks and my heart skips a beat when I hear him say:

"You make me believe in love again…"

_So there it is. Let me know what you think, also if you think my view on Will or on the current storyline is completely wrong! _

_A big hug to all my readers and reviewers!_


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